By Audrey Quinn
Everyone’s grief takes a different shape, regardless of its source.
Let’s explore a few ways you can give voice to your grief on paper. There’s no right or wrong way to write about grief, and these are just a few ideas we’re sharing with the hope they’ll benefit you or someone else you know who is working through their grief.
Journaling
One form of writing that’s helpful in processing grief and other strong emotions is journaling. Harvard Medical School suggests starting by writing 15 to 30 minutes per day for three or four days, although you can extend this to more days if you find it beneficial.
Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure when writing about your grief and emotions. The goal is to get everything you feel and think down on paper, even if it’s messy, jumbled, chaotic, or abstract. Remember that your writing and your grief is your own, nobody else’s. The shape it takes is unique to you and your experiences, which will be evident in your writing.
Poetry
Some people find that the shape of their grief is better expressed through poetry or prose than through more “direct” modes of writing such as journaling. Poetry can be a beautiful, healing outlet for people to write about their pain.
In poetry, you can utilize metaphors and figurative language, such as allusions, that may only make sense to you, but capture the subject of whatever you are trying to write about. Additionally, some human experiences go beyond the literal words we might use to describe them, which is where poetry can be a useful tool.
Music
Music goes hand-in-hand with poetry, and it can be an excellent mode of writing for people seeking to express strong emotions through a creative outlet.
You could choose to write lyrics or compose musical notation for a piece intended to be performed by musicians. Consider how certain sounds make you feel, and what associations you make based on their tone, rhythm, and relation to other sounds within your composition.
Humor
Many people use dark humor to cope with feelings of discomfort, pain, or intense grief. I have some experience with this in my own family.
I had a beautiful, gigantic black cat named Harry when my family lived in England. I was about five when we got Harry, and he traveled with us overseas when my dad got transferred to Hurlburt Field in Florida.
Unfortunately, Harry developed glaucoma in his eye when I was nine years old, and he had to be euthanized. On the day I came home from school and my parents told me Harry had been put down, my mom said “Honey, we wanted to wait for you to get home so we could bury him, but to do that, we had to put Harry in the freezer.” At the time, this was pretty sad, but also sort of funny in a dark, twisted way.
I’ll cut to the chase and tell you the first thing I thought when we opened that freezer was “catsicle.” That thought has unfortunately stuck with me through all these years, and every time I think back on Harry I think about how my mom turned him into a catsicle.
Humor is just another form people’s grief can take, and it might be taboo or not make any sense to people who haven’t lived that person’s loss, but it is also a helpful and healing genre of writing for people tackling grief. It can also be connective between people with similar experiences and coping mechanisms, and help to alleviate some of the deep hurting people feel after a loss, however briefly.
Storytelling
One last suggestion for writing about grief is through storytelling.
Storytelling is a versatile medium, in that it can be written, spoken aloud, or sung. When writing to express grief, the subject and tone of the stories can also be versatile. Some people might write about happy or amusing stories they shared with the people or events related to their loss, and some might choose to share the “uglier” parts of their grief through storytelling. People may also choose to share their stories with their friends, family, or other audiences, or they may choose to keep them private. All of these choices are highly individual decisions since everyone has a different story to tell relating to their grief. Regardless of the form, subject, tone, and audience, storytelling can be an excellent way to process difficult experiences and transform them into something new.
I wish you a safe and healing journey, whatever the source of your pain and the shape of your grief. I hope one of these methods strikes a chord with you, and you’ll find some form of solace in writing about your experiences, whether you choose to share them with anyone else or not.
Upcoming classes you might enjoy
Nap-a-thon: a fundraiser for people who are tired. Which, statistically, is everyone.
Oct 1-31.
A 4-week writing accountability and co-working group to help you make real, steady progress on your writing.
Wednesdays 3-4:30 pm | In person or online | Next cohort starts Nov 4, facilitated by Daryll Lynne Evans | Age 16+
A quarterly journaling workshop that takes you deeper into your thoughts and feelings through grounding, prompts, and a community that holds space for whatever shows up on the page.
Sundays, Nov 8, Feb 14, May 2, 3-5 pm | In-person and online | Age 16+
Learn more! Writing Into Yourself: A Seasonal Journaling Series
Share your words in sweet community at our monthly open mic emceed by spoken word poet Jorah LaFleur.
Second Thursdays, September through June | Age 14+ | Next open mic: Nov 12
Demystifying the process of bringing your story to the page in this full day craft intensive with Patricia Crisafulli.
Nov 21 | Ages 18+
The Oregon Author Series brings a visiting Oregon writer into our space for an afternoon of live conversation: about their book, their process, and the stubborn, beautiful work of making something true on the page.
Dec 13, 2026; March 14, June 13, 2027 | 4-6 pm
Ages 16+